“The wedding is ready, but those invited were not worthy. Go therefore into the main streets, and invite everyone you find to the wedding banquet.” Those slaves went out into the streets and gathered all whom they found, both good and bad; so the wedding hall was filled with guests.” Matt. 22:8b-10
Some Christians actively seek conversions. They do this because of a clear mandate in heir theology to find the lost in order that they may accept Jesus to avoid hell when God judges them. It is an act of compassion to save people from eternal torment. The reason that they go to church is rooted in an old-time Puritan fear of God’s wrath that ties their entire theological system together. They fear God and fear for the eternal status of the souls of other people. The community they share with others is part of the reason why they go to church, but the theological impact gives the community its identity.
Other Christians go to church just for the social part. It is a way of meeting people of the community. In wealthier churches it is a place to “be seen” by others in a way that shows off one’s piety. True they may go to hear a word of hope, maybe even go for a little bible or book study, but they do not go out of a motivation of fear, but primarily of social connectedness.
In both of these frameworks for going to church there is a set of social conventions, symbols, and behaviors that one must learn to decode before feeling fully connected. The color of skin of congregants is a code. The attire of people is a code. The religious language used is a code. The geographic location of the church, the shape of the church building, and many more are all codes that are tacitly at work in the structure of the community.
An outsider has a lot of mental and physical work to do in order to decode all of this stuff even before he or she sets foot in the door or meets someone from the congregation. An outsider has to weigh the equation of cost and reward to see what kinds of social, psychological, and physical costs are needed to gain certain rewards such as a one way ticket to heaven or being rooted in a community. In either case, one will have to pay costs in social and psychological capital to participate fully and feel welcome in the community. This is true for joining people in any organization or relationship. Becoming part of a new community or set of relationships requires self-limitation and new habits. In short, it requires that one change and conform to the new situation to some degree.
Yet if the decoding process does not work, the equation of cost and reward cannot be calculated without extra effort. Here’s an example. Let’s say you are invited to a party by a college friend. When you get to the party you are introduced to everyone and they ask you where you work, if you have kids, etc. After the pleasantries you learn that all of your friend’s friends are co-workers. They begin talking about work. Names of people who are not there fly with ease, jokes that have no context for you get loud laughs, acronyms seem to be coming out of a machine gun. While your friend tries to translate for you and while you chime in with a commonality once in a while, you are basically an observer, not a participant. You didn’t know the social codes of the group. How do you feel? Welcome, an outsider, or is it worth your time to invest the cost it would take to learn the codes and participate with this group of people you still don’t know very well?
Outsiders of the church often know less about the social codes than people on the inside. Worse, people on the inside often may not have enough fluency in their own social codes to explain what they mean and why they are important. In other instances outsiders may know more about the religion than the people on the inside! This sort of self-reinforcing social and religious illiteracy makes it a very hard prospect for people to feel the need to join the group since no one seems to know why it is there in the first place.
While many might disparage Joel Osteen for his light and fluffy messages of self-worth and consumer-friendly pop psychology masquerading as theology, he speaks the same language and shares the same codes with most people. Why? Because most people live in a world dominated by self-help and consumer-friendly pop psychology! You don’t feel like an outsider with his pearly whites staring at you as if to echo Stuart Smalley saying, “I’m good enough, smart enough, and gosh darnit people like me!”
To the growing population of religiously unaffiliated believers in God, most of the religion we offer is encased in codes that are hard to figure out with little help offered to help people understand them much less participate in using them. Neither fear of hell or a weekly coffee hour after a “nice” sermon are going to fit the bill. So people outside the church, and many people inside to be sure, will feel like that out of place dinner guest. Far better to go to the bar with some old friends and maybe meet a new friend or two where the only real codes are eat, drink, and be merry. Who knows, you might even get lucky at the end of the night without God anywhere near to threaten you with eternal torment.












