This is a new kind of post that I am going to start now and do more frequently since I was able to install a cool plugin to add audio files to my posts! I am a music addict, as well as a musician, and so music is part of my life not unlike John Cusak's character in High Fidelity who organizes his massive music catalog by events in his life.
A few weeks ago I posted a comment on an article over at Julie Unplugged and I included lyrics to a song that I thought defined my religious journey as I entered into my last year of seminary following my decision not to take a call to the pastorate. I had passed my ords, and had passed the trials at my Presbytery, but my calling felt a bit funny at the time. I ended up in higher education and have been there ever since.
I remember my wife and I had been attending a planted church outside of Philadelphia which at first was a very enriching experience. The church used a rented space and had the feel of a "house church". Soon after they entered into their new building, a beautiful but humble structure, the session signed an agreement that the church supported the Confessing Church movement in the Presbyterian Church (USA). The crux of this movement has to do with the ordination of gays and lesbians, but cloaks this language in the language of chastity. You cannot be ordained if you have sex outside of marriage willingly. If you are a homosexual you cannot be married as recognized by the church.
Now there are more elements to this that have to do with a strict adherence to different forms of orthodoxy, but sex is the primary issue that gave the movement life. My wife over at identitymixed has more details related to her personal involvement with the movement as well as a link to the PCUSA site of an article that has to do with one of the founders – her former pastor.
When this happened (you have to read her article for a deeper understanding) red flags began to go up about the church. Now my wife and I are never silent about things with which we disagree and we were very vocal about our refusal to support the church's decision on the matter. We also found ourselves doctrinally more and more at odds with the pastor and especially his wife who was a "spiritual counselor" with the church. Our last moment with the church was at a barbecue. These are supposed to be fun and welcoming events to share and have fellowship. We sat at a table with her youngest brother who was living with us at the time (another long story) and despite our best attempts to say hello to people and be involved, we sat there alone. We ate dinner and left never feeling a part of that congregation – like an uninvited dinner guest.
We stopped going to church at that very moment and really did not go back until we moved back to Pennsylvania last year. The church we are going to now is far more open minded, missional, and energized after experience years of dysfunction and social ill. We have never felt out of place and have been welcomed and called upon to participate in the ministry – something that really did not happen before.
But in that four year or so period of spending our Sundays getting closer to God by going on hikes with the dogs or seeing friends and going into the city where we found true fellowship, we stopped going to church and had absolutely no urge to go back. That moment at the last church to which we went is what the song I include in this post means.
The song is called Run by King's X from their album Ear Candy (1996). They are about the most unknown and underrated hard rock band at least since the mid-1980's and I would argue much sooner than that. Putting them in the same breath as Deep Purple or Mountain along these lines is not a stretch.
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Run (1996)
by King's X
Yeah she told me, that if I wasn't good
He would get me, make me pay for
everything I did, and she said
that everybody bad would burn in Hell
I did what she told me and I became
someone else.
I had to run
I had to hide
In the world outside
A better chance, out there
If God is everywhere.
I wait for nothing, take my chances let it ride
maybe there's an answer but it's buried by the lies
Somebody told me that it's just a waste of my time.
But I can't get rid of all those bags I left behind
I had to run
I had to hide
In the world outside
A better chance, out there
If God is everywhere.
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