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worst praise song ever?

Aug 15th, 2009
by Drew Tatusko.

I am not sure I have heard lyrics as disturbingly gross as this. This is the gutter of love songs to Jesus as if Jesus is asking Christians to feel all warm and snuggly and watch Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants with a box of chocolates. The only reason guys do that with their ladies is the prospect of sex afterwards. So unless your plan is to bed the Lord Jesus, this is one helluva bizarre song to sing.

Well, maybe that's overshooting it. I apologize.

Maybe you just want Jesus to take you on a nice walk in the woods or by the beach, takes some pictures that you can post on Facebook to show everyone how much you love your man, and then post pictures of the cute kitten that he bought for you. Ohhhh, I am getting tingly thinking about it! Thanks for the kitten Jesus!

(((((((Jesus))))))

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Posted in: Humor, Stupid Religion, Theology.

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  • Shepherdman1945
    Granted, it's a bit over the top, but there is a long tradition in Christian mysticism of using erotic imagery to describe one's relationship with God/Jesus (St. Bernard, St. John of the Cross, St. Teresa of Avila, many others). The Song of Solomon, perhaps originally an essentially secular love song, has often been interpreted in these mystical/erotic terms by both Jewish and Christian interpreters. Apart from such interpretation, the book may never have made it into the Canon.
  • Okay ... I haven't been inside of an institutional church in about 6 years and I remember singing this song for a while before I left. So it's been **around** iykwim ;-) . I hated it then. And I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
  • NO NO NO THAT IS NOT HAPPENING. I'm going to rip my face off now.
    Thanks for the kitten, Jesus. HAHAHAHA!
  • For the record I am not a proponent of Christian romance songs
    (http://redeemed.kansasbob.com/2008/09/i-dont-ne...).

    That said, I do like parts of this songs.. find it a bit reminiscent of Psalm 42.
  • knowtea
    "The only reason guys do that with their ladies is the prospect of sex afterwards."

    You'd think they'd have caught on to this by now, wouldn't you?
  • more proof, along with beer, that God loves us and wants us to be happy
  • knowtea
    Drew, this one just might be worse:

    http://wikichristian.org/index.php/To_ever_live...

    Of course, it's really, really gross to me that there's a WikiChristian. Because, you know, Christians can't just do Wikipedia entries : they have to have the evangelical ghetto ripoff of Wikipedia.

    What I lerve about the above song is: 1) It's so creative, non-derivative, and non-cheeseball to take a maudlin soap-opera-dialogue sentiment like "I'd just die without you" and turn it into a jammin praise song, and 2) the lovely use of the split infinitive: "than to ever live without me": so poetic AND musical! Finally, 3) the theology, because, you know, I am the center of God's universe. His eternal plan revolves completely around me.
  • all you have to do is take that leeann rimes song that dolly parton wrote "how will i live" exactly as written and tell people it's about jesus.
  • knowtea
    Hey, Debbie Boone claimed that "You Light Up My Life" was her love song to Jesus! (But Debbie, what about that whole "It can't be wrong when it feels so right" thing? Sounds like maybe more than just your life was gettin' lit.)
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